INDOCTRINATION!

It's been decided. Everyone must watch Fringe and Battlestar Galactica. Though the producers of Fringe need to keep the suspense up. They need to consistently tackle arcing plot line in the episode and instead of dedicating 5 seconds of the episode to it for most of the season until the finale. As for BSG, get rid of Baltar.

Fortress of Solitude

The world may not be ready for Nicole Corp and Nicole Corp is not ready for the world! The only solution is for a radical space station hide out until the corporation can reach full power.

As someone so aptly called it a Fortress of Solitude, that is exactly what it is!



Nicole Corp asserts that all animal visitors are welcome because they are cool. People, however, will be subject to stricter visitation rules. The lead engineer/founder of Nicole Corp will also develop a high powered weapon to be attached to the space station to ensure that anything requiring destruction can be done as efficiently as possible.

Also, don't try and visit the Fortress of Solitude because you weren't cool enough to be invited up. Nicole Corp employs a fleet of SR-71 fighter jets to shoot you down before you even get close to the edge of the atmosphere! These planes are capable of Mach 3+! That's twice of the speed of sound to those non-engineers.



Menacing isn't it? That is one of the Nicole Corp core values.

Why don't people vote?

In the next election, I am definitely casting a vote. Yes, I realize the hypocrisy of ranting about people who don't vote and me, not making it to the last election. In my defense, I wanted to vote but was naive, confused and intimidated about the entire voting process that I felt like I was going to pass it up and just worry about my own life.

But for some reason, it really irks me when people are like why do we bother voting? I mean, I'm not a patriot or anything, but why do you bother living in a democracy if you don't vote? I mean, might as well move to a country under dictatorship since you really don't care about the future of your country. Maybe the system's not working? Quite frankly, the system is not going to work if no one votes. Ever complain about how the new bylaws and bills only really favor the rich white people? Well, those are really the only people who vote so logically, whatever they ask for, they get from the politicians.

The system's corrupt, whatever we do won't make a difference. This is a harder beast to wrangle. I mean, yes, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I think we should all remember that no matter what these politicians do, they are still, in the end, accountable to the public. Yes, they can be bought off so the bills that benefit the rich will be passed first. But at some point, they still need to keep their voting base happy so they can get re-elected. This is where voting comes in. But no one votes except a small demographic! So basically those rich white people get what they want... twofold.

The system's not working for the people? I'm not really an expert on political systems, but I have spent a year studying communism and dictatorships and quite frankly, democracy seems to be the best bet here. Communism is horrible and ends up in a dictatorship. Does anarchy work? I don't think so. As a student of Russian history, when there is no authority system or some kind of system to keep everyone in check, nothing good comes out of it. Starvation is rampant, people die. In fact, cannibalism was quite popular because no one was farming or producing any goods. Everyone was too worried about being randomly attacked. I mean, who has the time to advance technology when you're constantly worrying about where to get food or if you're going to be attacked while trying to look for food.

I also have a suspicion that anarchy might just lead to some kind of authoritarian structure. I think people would naturally want to band together to have some security and some functionality. And these bands would fight against other bands until there's a clear winner. Then comes the execution and elimination so everyone can assimilate into one big band. And bam, you've got some kind of system going. Well, that's what happened to the Bolsheviks anyway.

I guess maybe I am just a believer of the power of the people.

Rant Over.

Nicole Out.

Raw Cash - the next greatest thing to hit T.V.!

Stemming from my recent obsession with paying people to eat really nasty live things, I figured that turning it into a reality T.V. show would be best. Anita has thankfully helped out with the name, Raw Cash.

The contestants would be eating various types of live things for my amusement as the host, and will have to outeat the other contestants in order to get shot at the grand prize of a million dollars! Hopefully there will be a small asian woman that is casted so she can compete against the stereotypical morbidly obese middle aged man. I think any visible minority would have a natural advantage against the other contestants if they only recently came over from their home countries.

The live things they would eat are:

giant slugs, fish, mouse - must put the entire animal in the mouth and chew

skunk, duck, porcupine - pairs of contestants must wrangle and finish eating those animals first. bonus points if they eat it particularly gruesomely (ripping the heart out or something) like our Governor General! (side note: I would like to get the governor general as a celebrity contestant, and maybe make her brag to the other contestants about how eating a seal's heart previous to the show gives her an advantage over them)

walrus, horse - same as above except in bigger teams

and last but not least:

a chimp - I would have people eat other people, but I think cannibalism is against the law. Yes Anita, it's probably still illegal in poorer countries. I don't want to do anything illegal... on film.

While showing the tapings, the audience will be allowed to buy pirated dvds from a hotdog stand, which had been a summer sideproject of Anita and mine for quite a while. I suppose by the time I get enough money to film this show, I'd have enough money to fend off the asian gangster who will undoubtedly try and kill us for intruding on their turf.

It's a bird, it's a plane...

... it's Nicole feeling reclusive! After working 2 actual days at wonderful Wonderland, I feel kind of worn out... and was uninspired to do anything today, until I saw the Toys 'R Us flyer from the mail. Then, I realized I had my calling. I had to write down, all the useless, eclectic things I've wanted over the past 2 or so years. Maybe 3. I've wanted the Project Zoo game for a really long time. For some reason, I've never gotten around to acquiring these awesome items.

1) The Awesomeness Poster

Who doesn't want this? Fighter planes and motivational quote just go together. I want this poster on my wall so that (in the words of Barney Stinson) "when I get sad, I just stop being sad and be awesome instead." I will refuse to move into the house I'll be living in next year without this awesome poster on my bedroom wall. Seeing as I only got into How I Met Your Mother recently, I've only wanted this in the past couple days and it was inspired by Anita's facebook photo.

2) Trampoline

I've always wanted to do backflips and frontflips and all kinds of crazy ass moves... but was always worried about breaking my neck. If I had a trampoline, I would just bounce off of my head! Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I will be owning my own trampoline in the near future. Maybe I should just look into finding a spotter instead. This stems from my obsession with handstands... of which I will be able to do.... one day.

3) Wallace and Gromit: Project Zoo

I played this game for about 10 minutes at my former friend's house in grade 10. It was so awesome because I got to play as Gromit (I LOVE GROMIT!). I'm not really sure what you do in the game, but I think it has something to do with zoo animals and Wallace and Gromit. This is probably the only video game I've really ever wanted to play. Except maybe Rock Band, that is awesome.

4) The Wallace and Gromit Calendar

Some of you may remember I was talking about that stupid calendar once or twice... My dad even offered to help me buy it on Amazon. I can't remember why I never ended up getting it. Maybe next year.

5) The Dragonfly Toy

I first realized I wanted this when Brant linked me to a Youtube video of this toy. And then I saw it on the flyer of Toys 'R Us. Yes, I am that weird. I look at the Toys 'R Us flyers pretty frequently. I want to make it do a loop de loop. Perhaps I should make friends with people from the WEBots team so that they can build me something similar... for free of course.

6) Sock Monkey

It's a monkey... made out of socks! How awesome is that?! I would make one myself, but clearly, I don't have the sewing skills necessary for such an undertaking. If anyone wants to volunteer, I do have a pair of nicely ripped sweat pants that will be perfect for that.

7) Dwight Bobble head

I've seen all the episodes of The Office. I love that show. And I also love Dwight. This seems self explanatory.

8) Lava Lamp

It seems everyone has one but I don't! God damn it! I was deprived as a child! I'm also going to be pretty adamant about not moving in next year until I get one.

I can't recall anymore useless items I've been wanting for a while. I suppose when I do remember, I will update this post... so that one day, when I look back on this blog, I will know what I wanted, where to get them and what they look like. Because at the rate I'm purchasing these items, I will probably be super old ( age 20).

Oh I also saw the flyer for Dominos and saw the picture of their BBQ Chicken pizza. Yum.

Tonight the sun will rise!

Best song by people in planes! 

But... tequila sun rises are pretty good. Take that Rebecca! I now have kind of food related junk on my blog. It really is a blog about everything. I even took a picture (it's not nearly as pro as yours though).

It's on!

Currently:

Nicole: 2

Anoosh: 1

THE BILL OF SLAPS

1. A slap bet is created when two parties involved in a disagreement, argument, or difference of opinion mutually agree that whichever party is proven right (or winning party) gets to slap whichever party is proven wrong (or losing party) across the face as hard as they possibly can.

2. In all Slap Bets, a Slap Bet Commissioner must be appointed. In the event of a discrepancy, the Slap Bet Commissioner makes the final ruling. The Slap Bet Commissioner must be someone fair and unbiased, someone kind hearted but not afraid to rule with an iron wrist.

3. When issuing a slap, the slapper must avoid lips and noses at all costs. The goal is for the palm of the slapper's hand to connect with the meaty part of the slappee's cheek thus providing utmost enjoyment and pain. If you're seeing handprint on cheek, you're doing something right. In the event of a bloody nose, the Slap Bet Commissioner shall award the slappee three slaps to be used in succession. Suggestion: The Dead Man's slap (rule 8.)

4. When issuing a slap, the slapper must not wear any rings, gloves, or other finger/hand ornaments to protect the safety of the slappee.

5. When issuing a slap, the slapper must keep one foot on the ground at all times to protect the safety of the slappee.

6. In the event of Premature Slapulation, (when the slapper slaps the slappee as hard as he or she possibly can and then afterwards, finds out that the slap was not warranted), the slappee gets to slap the slapper at least three times.

7. The Blind Man Slap: If the Slap Bet Commissioner deems the slappee particularly deserving, the Slap Bet Commissioner can issue The Blind Man Slap in which the slappee must close their eyes while being slapped.

8. The Dead Man Slap: Backhanded slaps are permitted only if used in succession. For example, if the Slap Bet Commissioner awards the slapper multiple slaps, the slapper can use a backhand if and only if it's preceded by a forehand. This is commonly referred to as The Dead Man Slap and is the only existing slap that allows the slapper to connect with both sides of the slappee's face thereby earning maximum slappage.

9. When the slappee gets slapped, he/she must accept the fact that they've just got slapped. Any retaliation against the slapper, by the slappee, will result in no less than ten slaps (with a set number to be delivered by the Slap Bet Commissioner.)

10. The most important rule: Enjoy! Few things in this world match the sheer joy one receives from slapping a friend right across the face. Especially after being proven right. So slap away!